walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
