We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
