Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
