So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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