don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
