you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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