i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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