is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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