thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
