Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
