There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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