i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize