Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
