i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
