You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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