He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
