U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize