Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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