Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
