i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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