Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
