I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
