Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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