my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
