her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
