Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
