apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
