I hate all girls vehemently.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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