She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
