I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize