Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
