I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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