Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
