You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
