Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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