Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
