so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
