on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
