i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
