I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
