apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
