where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Screwed.edu
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
