I think my vagina is haunted
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
