like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
