dude i'm inner monologue high
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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