So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
