I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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