Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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