Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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