imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize