2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
