i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
