sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
