tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
