I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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