i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
