She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
