apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
