you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
