So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
