i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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