Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
