So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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