May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
