One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
