Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
